Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
