I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
