Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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