I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
