when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
