I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
