You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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