mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
