my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
