I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize