shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
