I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Who died my cat blue again?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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