I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
