Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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