Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
