I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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