No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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