A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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