Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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