The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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