My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
