I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
