you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My bed smells like the plague
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