I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
