Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
