McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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