My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm always down for nudity.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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