A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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