you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
