out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
