What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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