Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
