Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
