OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize