I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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