I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
