Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
