Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no you cant smoke seaweed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
