u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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