She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
