i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
