I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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