my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
