Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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