I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
