Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
