he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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