I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
