Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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