dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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