You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
