Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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