update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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