pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
