I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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