How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
