you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
