i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
