The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
