yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
