I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
