At least make sure they are 18
Why
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
