apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
