So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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