Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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