i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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