I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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