im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
