she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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