Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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