Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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